Why you SHOULD try to be a caregiver for a loved one

I ran across a website I shall not name, which was telling me “why you shouldn’t try to be a caregiver for your loved one”.

And I thought, what a jerk! Who is this website to tell me what to do?

Greasy lawyers have a firm gumption to stuff like that when they are trying to weasel your money out of your wallet and into their hands. They’ve got a prerogative to sell people their services, so they give you advice that they can sell you.

Even sadder thing is, most middle class Michiganders can’t afford a long-term nursing home. Without Medicaid in Michigan, it’s around $5,000 per month. 

Good news for some of you. Low income Michiganders have support under programs like PACE and the Home Help Program through Medicaid.

(Spoiler alert - the article I’m describing just tells you to put your loved one in a home or handle their estate when they’re dead.)

So I thought, what are some good reasons why you SHOULD be a caregiver for your loved one?

Five reasons to try and be a caregiver

1. You are either part of the problem or part of the solution. The fact is the person needs care. Leave it to your own conscience to decide if it’s a moral obligation you ought to fulfill. Some form of caring for this person in need.
2. With patience, support, or an attitude adjustment, some moments of caregiving for a family member will be ones you remember fondly.
3. There are programs for in-betweeners that are “short-term” or “one-off” or “just a few hours per week” - most people call it respite care. You don’t need to go from black to white. You don’t need to transfer 100% of the care responsibilities like the case of the nursing home. Instead, try a lighter approach where you get a morning off, or a full day, or a weekend, or whatever you need.
4. Even if you don’t consider the person who needs care as a loved one, you are typically tied to them through marriage, or family, or in rarer cases by community. To assume some level of responsibility for the individual’s care is the responsible thing to do.
5. If it’s your family member who needs care and doesn't contribute at all, your siblings or close family members who assume your part of the responsibility are likely to resent you at least a little. Maybe you must be away for work, study, or some other reason. You can support financially or by calling in every once in a while to check in.

Yes, you should try to be a caregiver

If a family member got a disease or had a misfortunate turn of event which somehow requires someone in the family to take care of them, then that’s an ongoing extra responsibility.

A common case is when you have your entire retirement planned, but one partner’s health deteriorates, leaving the other partner to manage the sick partner’s entire life. Even if you’re fortunate enough to have a nice place to live with enough resources for a lifetime, it’s not the retirement you’d hoped for.

Most of us are faces with family caregiving involuntarily. The 24/7 and permanent care services are a pricey penny. I’m trying to find caregiver support like respite care for a day or a couple of days. The Local Commission on Aging is a good place to find weekly scheduled in-home care, but the service is generally understaffed, and has a line before you can reach a caregiving professional to visit your home.

I’ve heard churches and religious organizations have created programs to help church members in the past, but I’d feel petty and miserly to join a church then pop a question about Free Respite Care.

One interesting avenue I’m looking into at the moment is local colleges and universities. Healthcare is a lucrative profession many academic institutions promote in their curriculum. Pairing health science students with an elderly carereceiver in a Companionship Program, would provide good work conditions and wages for the college student’s part time job while they’re on campus. If done in collaboration with the College’s Health Department itself, it could even bear credit hours for clinical hours, internship work hours, or the like.

It’s hard to ask for help from outside the home. It’s even harder to find help outside the home. I’m looking for ways Middle Class Michiganders can manage their family member’s care and keep the family healthy and functioning.