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Not everyone is aware of the disability or disease your family member lives with. Even fewer are aware of the caregiver who’s working behind the scenes.
If it’s your first time chiming in to an in-person or online support group, this is a standard way to *gulp* introduce yourself to a bunch of strangers as a newcomer.
“My name is Walter. My wife, Tabatha, was formally diagnosed in 2012, but she’s been living with Parkinson’s for over 15 years. I’m Tabatha’s primary caregiver.”
What this self introduction achieves is:
As further supporting evidence I’d like to say, I’ve listen to people living with Parkinson’s introduce themselves at the Parkinson’s support groups I visit with my dad, and it goes a little something like this:
“My name is Tabatha. I’ve been formally diagnosed since 2012, but I’ve been living with Parkinson’s for over 15 years since my first symptoms.”
With years of experience, the patients realized they had symptoms long before their formal diagnosis. Whether motor symptoms like shakes or freezing, or cognitive symptoms, like brain fog or challenges finding the right word.
I’m just pointing out one nuanced double-standard in the family caregiving dynamic.
I feel obligated to mention my care-recipient when I introduce myself as a caregiver. Yet I’ve noticed most people with Parkinson’s introduce themselves and their disease, but omit the caregiver.
Should I as a caregiver omit the care-receiver from my self-introduction?
A question like this carries a certain degree of emotional baggage. Nobody wishes themselves sick, and likewise nobody wishes their family member sick, and nobody wishes themselves a caregiver for a sick family member. I’ll let you decide for yourself what you’re most comfortable with.
“My name is Walter, and I’ve been a primary family caregiver managing Parkinson’s for over 15 years.”
If you've been around in circles inside your head about what's the right title to call myself maybe you're asking the wrong question.
Try getting back to basics and just explaining what you do.
“I roll my husband up from bed lift him to the Walker and support his body weight on the way to the bathroom and close the door standing by able to hear the activity inside the bathroom for safety surveillance purposes until he is finished.”
Boy, that sounds like a damn good caregiver, doesn’t it!?
If you don't like the caregiver label then drop it. Just explain the great work you're doing for another human being in this world.
Remember when you're meeting a person that there's a whole another person on the other side of the equation.
If you're walking into a situation where Healthcare goals are at hand then it doesn't matter if you're a family caregiver unpaid or a professional caregiver paid.
Try to learn something personal about the person you're speaking with.
People remember less about what you say and more about how you make them feel, so make sure you figure out something nice about them.
If qualifying a person for the type of care you might provide. Or when qualifying a provider for the type of care you want to receive making your expectations and interests clear in the beginning is a solid start.
It's nice to have a well-rehearsed self-introduction when speaking with another person in the context of caregiving. It allows you to establish your identity, define your role, and set the context for what you want to achieve.
But please make it quick and ask the person if they have any questions.
Less people are willing to volunteer their opinions then are willing to answer a question when asked. Putting that question mark and a nice friendly smile at the end of your sentence when meeting a person in the context of eldercare person effectively starts a two-way conversation. The Big C and O from CO-mmunication.
