Is it the Parkinson's/Dementia? Or just how they've always been?

I'm at a real low writing to you today. It's the third time this week I've been woken up before sunrise by my dad's incessant calls for help.

Caregiving corrodes at your self-confidence in this way: I don't always follow my own advice, and I feel a great deal of shame.

I preached communication, empathy, and patience in the situation where my dad overstepped a boundary I've clearly set with him several times before. But this morning, I went to the garage and broke down weeping.

It spiraled into a small family ordeal, where some truth came out.

Fact: My father won't change.

Specifically, it's very unlikely he'll become more considerate with his words and actions, to demonstrate respect and appreciation to his family members.

He's 70+ with Parkinson's and Dementia. When I tell him how his behavior makes me feel and how I want him to change his behavior, I don't know how he is receiving this message.

Give me a self-pity party for one second. I feel like my dad doesn't care about me enough to change his actions, and I felt like this all my childhood.

Is it my dad's Parkinson's and dementia? Or just how he's always been?

Since I completed the ALS Caregiver Certification Program, I've learned that personality change is part of Parkinson's and dementia, as certain parts and functions of the brain deteriorate slowly (as is the case with progressive diseases like these), then the brain, which produces a person's personality, will inevitably change.

I wept tears of grief and relief closer to accepting that my father is between here and gone.