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I'm beginning to get a handle on caregiving better than I used to. The fundamental change is I started analyzing my needs and taking actions better aligned with those needs.
I'm building my caregiver support network, with includes people who help share caregiving responsibilities for my father, but also people who I can count on for emotional support.
My friends, I try to keep normal. I'd rather not let caregiving take over every part of my life.
I've just never gotten took up my friends' offers to "Hey dude, if you ever need to talk..." Likely because I don't think they'd understand, so I'd feel misunderstood.
So, I went to BetterHelp, a paid mental health platform with online therapists and counselors.
I didn't have an outlet to express my challenges with caregiving - well, challenges in all parts of my life really. So I created one with BetterHelp.
This is a concrete example of the type of decision-making I recommend to caregivers who are dealing with emotional struggles. You need to know your needs, so if you are stuck and don't know what you're looking for, then BetterHelp is one option to connect with a coach who can listen and help you figure out things.
I've made a clear argument as to the benefit of building a support network for family caregivers to get the emotional, caregiving, financial, medical, etc support you need. If you don't have family and friends you can talk to about caregiving stress, depression, anger, or any issue... BetterHelp is the best low-cost option for caregivers seeking counseling.
But why did I start personally?
I had just moved long-distance from my big city international job (with low salary) to my hometown, back in with my parents in the home I grew up.
My wife was still back in the city. Once you start living with your elderly father who has Parkinson's and dementia, then you have to face the reality of disease more than over Skype.
I was stressed out, dealing with my dad's disease, dealing with my mom's caregiver burnout (diagnosed by me, a non-doctor), and a list of my own issues with self-esteem and feeling crappy.
I was self-diagnosed depressed, taking SAMI at the time.
I've been on BetterHelp for over 14 months now. I've had 3 different therapists or counselors, whatever you want to call them.
I was angry with the first, I was weepy with the second, I've got a good rapport with a direct approach - it's like we're working together.
The first was a gentleman who looked like my uncle. Losing a father figure, I was glad to have a double-uncle doppel-friend to talk through my anger issues and transition out of a bad job. He successfully did so. Then he got a new employer, and left the BetterHelp platform.
The second was a young man who I was able to choose in a location near me. He had a Master's from MSU helped me practice DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) to overcome my extreme emotional ups and downs.
One for example, was putting an ice-cold object on the center of my forehead. The instructions were, when you're having a panic attack put that cold thing on your forehead. Or when you're trying to calm down and focus, you can do it too.
That's just one impactful lesson I learned from him, that I'm using now. Tools are what therapists on BetterHelp help you gather. Tools to manage your emotions and take actions aligned with your best interests.
This person also helped me learn compassion, particularly for myself and for my dad.
The third is a well-spoken woman helps me clarify needs and emotions I'm having a difficult time understanding. For example, I was feeling misunderstood with my mom, so this therapist gave me the homework to have conversations with my mom. It was with this therapist also, when I finally understood why it is a healthy and responsible decision to seek non-family care for my father.
I have a session with her next Sunday evening. Before the call, I'll send her a message outlining the topics I'd like to discuss during the session. We make good use of our time this way, and focus on the most important things I've got on my plate.
A resounding YES, BetterHelp does help.
In interpersonal terms, I've overcome a toxic boss, successfully supported my family, and made progress grieving my father's disease.
In emotional terms, I've become more stable overall. I'm better equipped with tools to notice my emotions and learn to explain them more clearly, and what to do about them.
Anger, Forgiveness, Guilt, and Insecurity have mean the overarching themes covered. I bet other caregivers out there suffer from at least one.
If you do give BetterHelp a try, here are my priority tips for getting the most out of the online mental health service which I recommend as the best-price online counseling for caregivers to check out.
Remember to choose your therapist, at the bottom of the footer on the website, there's an option to choose your therapist. You can search, filter down by checkboxes, and review therapists profiles before you pick the right one for you.
For example, if you wanted a female therapist aged 50-65 who has experience counseling caregivers, or those grieving a family member with disease? BetterHelp tries to automatically match you with a therapist, and it might to a good job, but I highly recommend you try hand-selecting a therapist yourself.
When you choose the specialist based on your most prevalent needs, you're more likely to the specialized care you need.
You can always switch therapists at no cost if you choose.
If you did read about my first, second, and third/current therapist, then you may have noticed... After 14 months of therapy on BetterHelp, I've gotten better at talking to a therapist.
I like to send a message outlining what I want to talk about a few hours before each session, but that's just what I do. You could just say it on your call.
I've talked enough about wishy washy stuff. Now let's talk cash.
BetterHelp for me, I pay under $600 per quarter. I pay less because I have low income and checked the box about me having low income when I signed up in order to get a lower price. I pay less because I chose to pay quarterly.
I recommend you try BetterHelp on the 1 month plan for 1 month. If you like it, then on Day 28 upgrade to quarterly payments in order to save a couple hundred dollars annually.
Be careful about switching plans before the time duration is up. You might incure double payments and that turns BetterHelp into a headache. That happened to me early on. If it happened to me today, I'd do it different.
On BetterHelp, there are rules about what the therapist must/can/cannot do for you, but I haven't read the fine print. Instead I follow the therapist's preferences for how we communicate and how often.
The norm you can expect is one video call session per week between 30 to 60 minutes per session. At least that's what I've seen.
You can look/ask what the therapist's policy is. Some people like to share texts back and forth throughout the week, something I've never done but could if I wanted.
