Why Oh Why Do Family Caregivers Keep Doing It?

Because Family Caregivers Are Awesome Examples of Human Worth

‍I came to this conclusion: You continue caregiving for your family member with dementia - despite their bad behavior - because YOU have human worth. 

Circuit Court Judge Darnell Jackson posits a definition which fits what family caregivers do on the daily: Jackson defines human worth as “the conscious decision to compassionately do something which has a positive impact on another.”

I’m really talking about my relationship with my dad who has Parkinson’s and dementia.

Human Worth: The conscious decision to compassionately do something which has a positive impact on another.

His condition has advanced to the point where he doesn’t help out around the house, asks for help instead of trying himself, and doesn’t show much interest in other people, except to have his need taken care of.

When you only care about yourself, and don’t do anything to help others? People call someone like that “a piece of crap”.

According to Jackson’s definition, my dad lacks human worth - but he’s a human so that can’t be right!? (Jackson’s definition work great for me, but doesn’t necessarily apply then dementia has added color to the circumstances.)

Caregivers Choose to Do The Right Thing

As a caregiver, what you bring to the table is your choice.

You could have ignored the whole thing, and see where that ends dad up.

But you took action to care for the other - despite their bad behavior, despite their increasing needs, and despite how your life has become constrained to just this.

You saw the opportunity to compassionately care for and positively impact your family member, despite the age and disease which is robbing your family member of the ability to behave in the same way they once did.

Because Your Aging Family Member Has Human Worth

Your relationship transitions from one of choice to one which is forced by the care needs.

Dementia care innovator Teepa Snow explains, caregivers find it harder and harder to see the person receiving care as an equal. Those dishes ain’t gonna wash themselves.

“Caregivers, your job is NOT to make yourself secondary to another.”

The key is compassion - to accept the dementia is separate from the human who’s inside that body.

Strive to continue seeing your family member as an equal, despite the brain function’s slow breakdown. 

With dementia like my dad, researcher ​​Astrid Norberg explores the way other people treat the person with dementia has an effect on the person living with dementia's sense of self worth. And it turns out being nice to someone with dementia is good for their quality of life.

Shared identity theory researchers Lang and Fowers emphasize “the frequent human motivation to benefit others because of their mutual commitment, shared identity, and shared goals” and celebrate “the deep and meaningful motivations that often inspire the humanity seen in caregiving”.

The person you are caring for ALSO has human worth - despite dementia’s deteriorating effects on brain function - their challenge is to continue being the same human they once were.

You’ve chosen to keep caring for your family member because you love them despite their disease.