Alone, Together, Better: Creating Personal Space While Caregiving

I was curious to find my mom and dad sitting airplane style in the living room one day. My mom was the seat in from and my dad was the seat in back.

The funny thing was, when you’re standing behind both high-backed recliner style chairs, you can’t see the person sitting in it.

I was standing there, unable to see my dad sitting in his chair, unable to see my mom sitting in her chair.

You see, my dad can’t be left alone for too long. With his Parkinson’s and dementia most days my mom, my wife, and me take merry-go-round shifts keeping an eye on my dad, making sure he doesn’t get into any mischief.

Airplane style living room seating is one example of how caregivers can keep an eye on their family member with dementia, while keeping the distance you need to have a moment of mindspace to yourself.

It’s different with needy dementia

My mom’s got to stay by my side for hours, but my daddio’s the “Needy Dementia” type. Not exactly clingy, because he’ll ask you to help him manage his immediate environment, then once he’s comfortable, he doesn’t need you anymore…

But maybe with the living room airplane seating arrangement my mom invented on January 4th, 2023 is the key my family needs to spend long hours by my dad's side.

You see, my dad’s an empath. More than most people, he’s affected by the emotions of others around him. When my mom’s by his side, within his field of vision, she’s an easy target for my dad’s requests.

“Can you find my Diet Mountain Dew?”

“I've got to go to the bathroom.”

“Can you set this on the edge like that? Yeah.”

By sitting up front airplane style, my mom created a living room blinder. The television and Alexa Show 10 3rd Generation #ad were in my dad’s field of vision, but my mom was not.

Creating space between you and the care recipient

Most old couples tend to spend more time together, by the nature of the time my mom and dad spend together isn’t “the retirement they expected”.

I’m proud of my mom for innovating a living room setup around my dad’s Parkinson’s lift chair. With Zigbee Smart Bulb (hub required) all hooked up to the voice activated Alexa.

Who would like to spend every waking moment with their family member? Our family has to find a balance between interpersonal frustration from spending too much time together or and extra risk of falls, which could happen any moment with my dad’s trouble getting up and getting around.

Time spent together with my dad requires more hand-on assistance, which is common for people with late-stage Parkinson’s, Dementia, or other aging related healthcare needs.

Remember Quality Time

But how can you stay by the care recipient’s side if they’d drive you crazy with their requests?

I’m proud of my mom for simplifying her care routine with my dad. She provided the care my dad needs. She gave herself the space she needs.