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Most caregivers approach incontinence without much outside support. When it’s just a spot in the underwear that my washing machine can handle, why would I spend a bundle seeking a urologist or geriatrician for incontinence advice?
Most caregivers wing it. Your other options are expensive and a hassle!
The paid professional caregivers I’ve invited into my home fall into the two categories:
Those fortunate enough to have a paid caregiver who does bathroom duties have a resource to help them out - while this paid caregiver is on the clock.
To take on incontinence issues as an independent caregiver. You must be aware incontinence commonly becomes more frequent with age. Ask for help if you can. Can you inventory your resources at hand?
When soiled pants happen, this is what I’ve learned changing my dad.
Types of Incontinence. It can be urine-only or with feces. It can pronounce itself by different sensations, like a sudden urge or accidental leak, or a spot on the underwear after holding your bowels for a long time without being able to get to the bathroom.
Accidental vs Recurring Incontinence. Accidents can happen at any age, but when does incontinence become a recurring problem? It usually explains how to differentiate between an accident and regular incontinence. Leaks and overflow when straining, or spots found when you wake up in the morning are common first signs of what might become a long-term challenge for the aging. When accidents take place the same way every month, week, or day - then it has become a case of recurring incontinence, one which deserves proper attention.
Negative Emotions with Incontinence. Reacting to a spouse or parent’s troublesome incontinence is not easy. Recent 2022 research suggests Urinary Incontinence (UI) is a majorly misunderstood issue, one with shame and stress. “For caregivers and the general population, urinary incontinence remains a misunderstood and disturbing subject: judged as too intimate, embarrassing, and shameful, it is even considered uninteresting by those who are not affected, with some going so far as to make fun of those affected.” [1]
[1] Peroni L, Armaingaud D, Yakoubi T, Rothan-Tondeur M. “Social Representations of Urinary Incontinence in Caregivers and General Population: A Focus Group Study.” Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2022 Sep 27. Link to source.
It’s incontinence has happened before and again, then it’s likely to happen again later, and again later. There are measures you can take when incontinence is a predictable occurrence.
Have all the things you need at hand in the bathroom or bedroom. Common items include protective underwear, underpads, gloves, and w wipes for the heavy lifting, and powders, creams, and lotions for hygiene upkeep.
Taking routine trips in mornings, afternoons, and evenings to lessen the load is one round-the-clock way to proactively manage bathroom needs.
People need proper hydration, you should NOT dehydrate away the incontinence by “just drinking less water”. You could adjust your diet to include more foods that absorb fluids nicely. You could drink extra beverages for a time in the day when getting to the bathroom is easy.
Before a man becomes willing to wear a full-on adult diaper, they can reluctantly start with absorbent underwear inserts, commonly known as “shields” or “guards”. Discreet washable and disposable incontinence underwear are available. Washable and disposable absorbent bed and chair pads known as “underpads” are available too. In the USA, you bet absorbent car seat covers are available for seniors on the go.
My dad’s combativeness is said to stem from changes in the brain caused by dementia. But let’s get real. It’s not comfortable for most men to let people handle your privates. Before someone starts a fight because personal space has been infringed upon, maybe you’d get the old man’s OK first.
Carry a change of protective underwear or an underpad when possible. And a a change of clothes just in case. Have disposable gloves and wipes on hand.
Knowing places with family restrooms is a helpful hassle, because both men and women (spouse or child of the elderly) can take the person inside the bathroom with more privacy.
Down to brass tacks, changing involves these key milestones:
The first and last parts, stripping off the dirty clothes and dressing up in fresh clothes, are matters of laundry and dressing. Today, we’d prefer to resolve the uncomfortable middle part: when the pants are off, and it’s time to clean the affected area after an incontinence accident.
After an incontinence incident, learn to manage hygiene well by cleaning the complete area, including private parts and the genital area.
Embrace the situation how you wish. Don't panic. Instead, set the stage for smooth running.
You’re going to remove a soiled diaper/underwear then apply a fresh diaper/underwear. It’s uncomfortable your first couple of times, but you and the aging person in your life can work out a routine you're confident in.
Try these tips for cleaning an elderly person’s private parts:
If an elderly person can’t easily get to the bathroom in time, then lack of mobility is one probable contributor to incontinence. Make it easy for mom and dad to get out of their favorite chair by themselves. Or install handless on the way to the bathroom to make getting there easier. Or put some permanent or suction cup handles in the bathroom around the toilet to make sitting down and standing up a sinch.
It’s not only the underwear pants that you have to change more commonly. You’ll also need to check the socks and shoes and pants as well as the chair or bed and Neath the person at the time of the incident. Where you’ve got soiled fabrics, you’ve got a job to do. Toss it in the laundry with the rest and take care of it after your person is presentable.
When the pants are off and private parts exposed, this is a good time to let go of Number One or Number Two, as long as you’re in the bathroom on the toilet. If your changing station of choice is the bathroom (and not the bedroom or living room), then you might ask your senior to use the toilet while the toilet is in your vicinity.
Choose a washcloth or wipe that’s compatible with an aging person’s sensitive skin, for example a wipe with a good pH balance, or the hand technique of “patting dry” instead of “wiping dry” to the reluctant delight of the person being cleaned.
Compare the cold damp cloth versus the warm enriching cloth, making direct contact with your privates. It’s understandable… Some men like a warm washcloth after the heavy duty cleaning is complete, with a drop of menthol skin lotion lathered into the cloth for a soothing tingle in a seldom cared-for area of the body. It’s best to leave the area dry when you stop wiping and patting.
Can you simply let the person wipe for themselves? Clearly if a person would rather tend to their own tenders, that’s a reasonable request. Putting an aging family member’s dignity first can be as easy as respecting their personal space when possible. I’m asking you to hand it over, but don't be shy about offering a helping hand if needed.
So that you grab from the top of the pile in order of urgency: underwear, socks, pants, shoes, and anything else down there you need to put on. Some people put pants on before socks, but my dad’s diabetic toes require the reverse. Do what you gotta do!
Each case of elderly incontinence takes special consideration. In the case of me changing my father, who lives with mobility issues from Parkinson’s and cognitive impairment from dementia, we get along as best we can.
Since it’s my dad’s incontinence problem now, maybe I’ll inherit them in age. I think that’s a level mindset for a family caregiver to hold, when it becomes difficult for a respected elder to hold their bladder.
Safety and hygiene rank first in your order of operations, while dignity and respect are a close second. Go forth and do the dirty job proudly!
